Portfolio: 99% done! Dear Birthmother letters: DONE!

I've been a busy little, um, person these last two days!  Yesterday (Friday) I finally carved out my work-area on the dining room table and laid out many of the tools I'd be needing to put the portfolio pages together: pretty papers, photos, stickers, photos, and, of course, more photos.  (Seriously . . . during the course of this project, we uncovered photos we actually forgot that we'd taken -- which is a good thing!  Pictures from our first trip to Vegas in 2004, the one and only print known to exist of DS' baby-in-the-bathtub shot, pictures from his first birthday and first Christmas . . . what a trip down memory lane this project has been!)

Actually, to be fair, I did get the cover and one page done on Thursday night.  I think I already blogged about that one.  On Friday, I finished 13 pages (plus their duplicates).  I felt more accomplished than I've felt since . . . well . . . probably since the first time I successfully started an IV on my own as a "real nurse" without someone watching over my shoulder and telling me what to do!  It was a rush, indeed.  Almost as soon as DH walked in the door that evening, I practically shoved one of the portfolios in his face and demanded his feedback.

I feel the need to bring up an incident from a few weeks ago, just to show that I don't hold grudges or anything (HA!).  DH and I were throwing around some ideas for the then-unstarted portfolio, and he said something along the lines of, "I was thinking you should ask my mom and my sisters for help putting this together, since you've never scrapbooked before and they have."  *ahem*  What I actually heard was, "You have about as much creativity as a lump of coal and there's no way you should be allowed to attempt to cobble something together on your own!"  (In my defense, I may have been having "a day" when he said that.)  Now, to be fair, I know that's not what he meant.  I know he was trying to be helpful.  I know that he, like me, wanted to make sure that our portfolio was the best it could possibly be.  But, from that point, on I decided never to tell him that, up until then, I was seriously considering paying someone to put our portfolio together -- or at least begging my many scrapbooking friends for mercy and assistance with creating our masterpiece.

With that in mind, as I was saying, I *ahem* asked for his honest feedback when he got home that night.  I was hoping he'd say something like, "Wow, you're amazing!  I take back what I said about thinking you'd need help from my mom and my sisters, or anyone else for that matter -- they should be asking for help from YOU!"  (In my defense, I may have been having "a day" yesterday.)  Just to be clear, I have nothing against my mother-in-law or sisters-in-law.  They're all very creative people and I don't mind working with them at all.  But this portfolio is supposed to be from our hearts -- not anyone else's.  For reasons other than pride, I really, truly felt this portfolio needed to be from us (meaning me on behalf of our family), not "ghostwritten" by someone else on our behalf.  Anyway, his feedback was very gracious and inspiring.  (Not in the above-mentioned words, but gracious and inspiring nonetheless.)  It was nice to know that he also felt I was on the right track.  He did use the word "perfect" a few times, which might be a little uncalled for . . . but it was still nice to hear.  :)

This morning, I couldn't wait to get started on the portfolio again.  I feel like I found my "groove" and was anxious to get going while the motivation and creativity were still flowing!  In what seemed like no time at all (but was actually about 4 hours), I had the rest of the photo pages completed (23 in all, plus duplicates).  What a sense of accomplishment, day 2!  I love the way it turned out.  I keep looking at it and part of me can't believe that I actually created this book.  I asked DH and DS to read it several times along the way, to make sure that I was truly speaking on behalf of our entire family.  They showered me with praise and agreed that it is definitely "us" inasmuch as "we" can be represented in such a format.

So, after I got the very last page done (one which I am particularly proud of . . . the "future family" page with spots reserved for pics of the birthfamily and, of course, the baby!) and had the guys look them over again, I declared the project Almost Officially Done.  (I still have to write the intro page, but all of the photo pages are done, and those are the ones I was most worried about!)  I scanned in copies to keep for our records and printed out a color copy for us to keep as well.  That is, I printed out most of a complete color copy of the book; I ran out of colored ink in the printer about 3/4th's of the way through, so the last few pages are in greyscale until I can get more printer ink.

And then -- and this amazes even me, because I was feeling like my creativity was pretty much zapped at that point -- I decided to work on the resume letter.  This is the letter that potential birthmothers (and possibly birthfathers and other family) will see when they are first trying to find an adoptive family.  It's my understanding that she/they meet with the adoption worker and come up with an idea of what kind of family they're looking for, then the adoption worker presents them with resume letters of the families that meet their criteria.  Then, from reading the resume letters, the potential birthmother (et. al.) will decide which portfolios (if any) she'd like to view to learn more about the respective families in whom she is interested.  So, there is a bit of pressure riding on this letter as well, from the letter-writer's perspective.

All I can say is that I don't think I'm the one doing the writing anymore -- I totally and completely feel like Someone Else is doing the writing for me.  There's no other explanation for why it comes out so perfectly and effortlessly at this point.  Not like we had any doubt that God has a huge role in all of this, but there is tangible proof, in case anyone needed any.  (We didn't!!  But are grateful for it all the same!!)

So . . . in summary . . . I finished writing the resume letter, and then printed out the required 10 copies on LSS' letterhead and affixed appropriately-sized family photos to the top of each letter.  And then, because I actually do have over-achiever tendencies (and also because I went a little nuts buying plastic sheet protectors when I was in nursing school and have approximately 5,732 sheets left over which I will probably not use in my lifetime), I even put them in plastic sheet protectors -- even though that step wasn't required.  Our adoption worker said she would take care of that step, but I wanted to see how the letters would look Officially -- as in how the birthmother will see them.  And maybe they'll knock a few bucks off our 'bill' for providing our own sheet protectors -- ha! ha! ha!!  I crack me up sometimes.

And now, I am taking a quick break before attacking my last goal for the weekend: finishing the intro letter for the portfolio.  (Well, okay: starting the intro letter, even.)  I will once again ask for His divine hand to intervene and help me put my feelings into words that will tie this little project up with a nice little bow and make it all pretty and ready to fulfill it's purpose.  I have no doubt that He will do just that, and I am looking forward to seeing what "we" (if I can claim any credit at all for this) can come up with!!

Until next time . . . thank you for your support.  Please, if you don't mind, say a prayer (or more) tonight for all of the women out there who are finding themselves unexpectedly pregnant and trying to decide "what to do" about it.  There are so many options . . . I know open adoption isn't best for every situation, but I know that for some women out there, it will be.  And no matter what their situations, I pray that they all make their best decisions.  "Best" is such a relative term . . . just let them know they're not alone, ever.