Our home visit is tomorrow!! I'm so wound up, you'd think it's the day before our match meeting or something! I'm not so much nervous and fearful as I am just anxious to get this step over with. Experience has taught me that 9.85 times out of 10, I worry about big, important things (like exams, group presentations, and home visits) for no good reason, and when it's all said and done I end up saying things like, "Why was I so worried about that?!"
I wish I knew exactly why I'm so worried. I have the utmost faith that this is the path we are meant to be on right now. I guess I'm just afraid of something coming up that I wasn't expecting. But that's just my nature, I guess. I have an innate fear of being caught unprepared. You have to realize, I spent three-and-a-half semesters of my four-semester nursing program convinced that something would come up that was overlooked during my intense application process, and I'd be unceremoniously kicked out of the program. For real. Anytime one of the office people would interrupt class to talk to the instructor, I was convinced that they were coming to kick me out. I wish I was kidding. Of course, I didn't get kicked out, in fact I passed the course with honors, but that's just how my mind works. And the more important and impactful something has the potential to be in my life, the more I tend to worry needlessly about it. Oh, it's such a curse being me sometimes . . . hahahaha.
I just keep reminding myself of the title I chose for this very blog . . . "Let go, and let God." It wasn't difficult to come up with that title, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the one who "chose" it, either. We are not alone on this journey. Not only are we blessed with supportive friends and family, but God is so present in our lives all the time . . . the support is so overwhelming sometimes!! I don't think I really started to grasp the meaning of the term "something bigger than us" until recently. I'm not sure where exactly I'm going with this. I think the Benadryl I took this morning, and the caffeine I didn't, is starting to kick in. I didn't sleep well last night (I was on call for the overnight shift, and I don't tend to sleep well when that happens because I worry about missing the phone if it rings. But last night, I was even dreaming that the phone was ringing; talk about mind games!) and should be sleeping right now since I'm working the overnight shift tonight. But I just keep thinking about tomorrow . . . and then thinking things like, I wonder how long it will take to be matched? It could be soon, and it's getting closer and closer every minute. I wonder about our birthmom, a LOT. I wonder where she's at right now, of course I wonder whether she's pregnant yet or not. Is she across town or across the state? "I can only imagine . . . "
Alright, now I'm just rambling. I need to get some sleep or tonight's shift will be very long and painful! Thank you for reading our blog and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. I wish I could put into words how much your support means to me, and to all of us . . .
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