Another day closer!!

I can honestly say that I have not given much thought about "the waiting game" this weekend!  It's been a busy one.  That's not to say that it hasn't been on my mind . . . in fact, last night at about 9:30pm when I was "stuck" on a school bus with 60-some tired, energetic high schoolers, 2 hours from home and with a cell phone battery that was so dead rigor mortis was starting to set in, I had a fleeting moment of, "What if someone has been trying to reach me?"  It really was just a fleeting moment, and quickly replaced by something else (I don't remember what, but probably something along the lines of being tired and cold).  I quickly rationalized that, it was 9pm on a Saturday, and while it seems like our caseworker is on the job 24/7, I'm sure she avoids scheduling things at such inconvenient times whenever she can help it; I also rationalized that it was 9pm on a Saturday, and we wouldn't be able to do anything that night anyway, so if I *did* miss an important phone call, I'd just have to wait until I got home to find out about.

I can see how easy it would be to believe otherwise, but we can't live our lives right now as if our very futures depend on a phone call that could be coming at any time -- even though that is exactly the case.  We have to purposely "forget" what's lying in wait out there.  I could get all philosophical here and point out that everyone has "something" out there that's lying in wait, and we just happen to know that one of the things waiting for us is a phone call that will hopefully lead to finding our birthmother and our new baby, but I won't.

But even though we can't and won't put our lives on hold in order to sit around and be ready to jump out the door when we finally get that phone call, doesn't mean it's not always on our minds.  Well, let me clarify that -- I'm not speaking for my entire family here, although I'm fairly certain they would concur.  I'll give you a few of my personal examples:

Yesterday, I was fortunate enough to be able to chaperone an all-day trip with DS and his high school's marching band.  It was their first competition of the season, at a location about two hours away.  Considering that the kids had to be at school to practice at 9am (until around 2pm, when we packed everything up and prepared to head out on the road) and that we didn't roll back into town until after 11pm that night, it was a long day.  A good day, but a long day -- and besides the aforementioned split-second panic of being hours away from home and not being able to be reached via cellular telephone, I was also looking around and thinking, There's no way I could bring a baby to something like this!  Which, of course, is not exactly true; I could bring a baby/toddler there as a spectator, but I don't see how I'd be able to chaperone (which also involves helping move props etc.) with a child underfoot.  I'm not saying it couldn't be done, but I wouldn't want to create more work than necessary.  I think it's safe to say that we're all so accustomed to just going and doing things without having to consider someone else's well-being that it's going to take a little getting used to when it becomes an issue again.

Another time was this morning in church.  DH was on his way to the Vikings game with his brother, so it was just DS and I -- and, of course, we were running a little late.  We didn't get our usual 4th (or so) pew from the front on the right side, so we sat smack dab in the middle with one of my dearest friends.  As the service was starting, there was a child near where we were who was crying.  My friend nudged me and said, "See what you get to do again soon?"  We smiled at each other (I don't know who had the bigger grin on her face!) and went back to paying attention to the service.  Then . . . there was a baptism.  I love baptisms, I always have -- and I couldn't resist nudging my friend and saying, "See what else we get to do again soon?"  And then, of course, I was thinking about that for a while.  Remembering DS' baptism (and he's being Confirmed this year!), thinking through some of the very preliminary plans DH and I have discussed on rare occasions about our plans to have our next child baptised . . . things like that.

And THEN, our church's silent auction is going on right now.  There are usually more than a few baby items, usually handcrafted blankets and cute little outfits.  Well . . . there was a basket there, and as much as I don't want to jinx anything by buying baby supplies yet, I just *had* to bid on this basket because the first thing in it that caught my eye was a bib that has a picture of a stethoscope on it!!  It's meant to look like a scrub top, and I suck at describing things so I hope that gives you an idea of what it looks like.  Anyway, I bid on it, and it's got a bunch of other baby supply things in it, but mostly I just want that bib.  And there was another baby basket there that I bid on, because I figured that since I'd bid on one already that I wouldn't be double-jinxing myself or anything.  (I mean, come on!  There are rules about jinxing, and once you've jinxed something you really can't jinx it "more".  Don't bother arguing this point with me, it's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

After bidding on the second one, my subconscious spoke up and notified me that both the things I bid on were very much boy-oriented (not saying that the scrub-shirt-looking-like bib is, obviously, but it and the other things in the basket were very much blue and not pink).  I don't know if that's just because it's what I know, or if it's a sign . . . but to test myself after I made that realization, I went and looked at some of the girl-oriented baby things for auction.  I didn't feel the need to bid on them, like I did with the other items.  Also, during church I caught myself thinking about boy names . . . again, could be just my inkling since I have already nearly raised one boy, and because the three babies who were baptised today (and thus whose names were on the nice big banner in the front of the church) were boys, and it could very well end up being pure coincidence that the bib that caught my eye was on a blue-themed basket.

And it could also be that I think too much.

Be that as it may, I can't wait to see how this story continues!!