I had originally posted "I Dream Myself Alive" but just as I was about to start writing, it dawned on me that "When You Dream" was more appropriate. Don't you hate it when that happens? When you think you have the perfect line and you get all set up and then all of the sudden (just kidding, I hate it when people say "all of the sudden") I mean all of a sudden, a more perfecter line comes to mind? I shouldn't hate it, I know, because it's a more perfecter line, but still. Now I'm off track. And I'm not going to apologize for using "perfecter" the way I used it, even though that's not how it's supposed to be used. Welcome to my mind: my inner proofreader is annoyed by the use of "all of the sudden" but not "perfecter".
I've always been a vivid dreamer. At times, I've read about dream symbolism and the hidden meanings behind dreams and all that, but truth be told, I don't really buy it. There might be a sliver of truth to the idea that dreams in which my teeth are all falling out mean I'm anxious about something in real life, but maybe the thing I'm anxious about in real life is going to the dentist and finding out I have to have my teeth pulled, eh? (Come to think of it, I haven't had that dream in a long time... they probably stopped around the time I, um, you know -- went to the dentist and had that one tooth pulled. OH MY GOSH THE SYMBOLISM!!) I'm also not completely convinced that dreaming about tornadoes (another common recurrence in my dreams) means my life is about to be in upheaval. Maybe I just don't like tornadoes, okay? And don't want to be caught in one ever again.
I don't know. On the other hand, I know the subconscious mind is an enigma and it seems like it stores all kinds of funny things in there, and probably can manifest these things as common relatable objects any time it likes. When I was younger, I'd overheard my mom and my aunt saying that dreaming about being chased by bears was common after getting out of an abusive relationship. I don't know why I held on to that bit of trivia when I did, because I was probably like 8 or 9 or 10 or so, but it stayed with me for a long time. So then, fast forward some years, and when I was getting out of an abusive relationship, I'd have frequent dreams about being chased by bears. Now, is that because I had that tidbit stored in my memory banks for so long, or is there really something to that? That's a rhetorical question. I didn't make the connection right away, I just knew I kept having awful dreams where I was running and running and this stupid bear would almost catch me and then I'd wake up. First I'd be terrified and then I'd be mad that I couldn't stop having the stupid bear dream. Eventually I remembered overhearing what I'd overheard (and I don't even know if I overheard it because I wasn't supposed to hear it, or if it was one of those things that I overheard in plain sight but didn't ask questions about because it was an adult conversation and I was just a kid so I didn't really care) (or maybe I didn't even hear them talking about it at all, maybe it was on TV or something, I just know that when I think of that piece of information I think of my mom and my aunt and I can totally imagine it was something they would have said in conversation for some odd reason). And then I started telling myself that I was going to start fighting the bear instead of running from it. I don't remember how long that took, but eventually it worked. The last time I had the stupid bear dream, I stood up to that damn thing and told it to leave me alone and basically I scolded it back into the dark forest from where it came and I haven't seen it since.
So there's something to dreams, that much I do believe, but mostly I just find them amusing and entertaining. When I first had the idea for this blog entry today, it was because I've had a few dreams this week with my sister in them, and those are angry dreams. And I know why they've resurfaced again, which is because I was at my parents' house earlier this week and my mom said she texted my sister a few weeks ago but hasn't heard back from her (not that she expected to because she never answers back). And I was thinking, I should write about that now... "that" being my sister and whatever is going on. I'm not even sure what is going on, I thought maybe writing it out would help me figure it out from my angle. But now I'm out of time, because I'm writing this on my lunch break.
So, maybe next time....
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