2020: Need I Say More?

I probably don’t need to say more, but writing this isn’t a matter of need. Unless I can find a way to prove that writing really does help my sanity...(note to self: add "look up research grant opportunities" to my to-do list).   

Does the world really need yet another random account of 2020? I think it’s safe to say the consensus is that 2020 sucked. Seems like it sucked in record time, even, or maybe that's just because it's the end of the year and social media is inundated with post reminding everyone that -- guess what?! -- 2020 sucked.

Did it, though?  Is it fair to place such a harsh label on the entire year, when it just doesn't seem possible that every single moment of every single day could have been so very horrible?  Surely, it could have been worse.  For many people, it was the worst year of their lives.  But for many people, it wasn't.  Is it a competition?  Alright, alright; I'm getting too philosophical.  Everyone understands perspective.  One man's Worst Year Ever is another man's Greatest Year So Far.

For me, 2020 was somewhere in the middle.  So, yes, the point of this post was for me to personally recap my own personal 2020 pros and cons.  I really want to insert a big "DUHHHHHH" here but I'm trying to get my writing back up to speed, so I'll save the more honest free-flowing content for another time.

Because of who I am as a person*, my instinct is to point out that it wasn't such a baaaaaad year, at least not for me.  I didn't lose my job or even get my hours cut back at all.  I consider myself very fortunate in that respect.  I know a lot of other people working in a lot of other industries, and many in the same industry, for whom this is not a shared experience.  To be a nurse in 2020, not working in a COVID unit, and still having a FT job all year long, definitely does not suck.  Also, my hubby not losing his job or having his hours cut back definitely didn't suck, either.  I mean, he worked some short weeks, but that's typical and had nothing to do with pandemic restrictions.  And since I'm on the topic of jobs, another tic in the non-sucking work-related happenings of 2020 is that the boy landed his first "big boy" job as well.  That didn't happen until July, but he gets a break because he was busy finishing college most of the first half of the year. Insert Proud-Mom grin here.

*In this case: sometimes disagreeable, defiant, trying to see the "other side" of things.  May be seen as selfish but really just trying to share another perspective in a socially-awkward fashion.

Speaking of COVID, 2020 did actually meet my personal threshold for sucking in February beginning one morning when I got one of those dreadful telephone calls.  You know, the phone call from one of your parents at an odd time of the day that you happen to miss and it goes to voicemail, and when you listen to it your mom's voice sounds so desperate and the amount of information she's NOT giving you makes your heart literally freeze where it is and drop directly into your stomach?  Well, as it turned out, my dad spent about half of February in the hospital.  By some incredibly odd stroke of fate, it was the hospital next door to where I work, so win-win (for me being the #1 Supportive Daughter and for my parents to have almost unlimited access to the #1 Supportive Daughter a/k/a their personal healthcare advocate, medicalese translator, chauffeur, personal assistant, etc.).  Now, I only associate COVID with this in jest, because it wasn't ever proven -- in fact, coronavirus was one of the tests that came back negative while he was there.  HOWEVER, it wasn't a test specifically for the novel coronavirus, a/k/a SARS CoV-2, a/k/a COVID-19.  The fact is that he was hospitalized the first time with an unidentified respiratory infection for which he had to spend a few days on a BiPAP just to keep his O2 sats above 85%, and even after that was on supplemental O2 the rest of the time he was there; he also had a fever, a dry cough (but a clear chest x-ray at first), and body aches. He said he felt like he had the flu.  We had a hard time getting him to eat because he said nothing tasted good -- and this is a man who loves his food (this is how I know I'm definitely NOT adopted).  In an effort to get him to eat, #1 Daughter even went and got him anything he wanted at any time he wanted.  So YES, cheeseburgers and fries were on the menu.  It was a mystery at the time, and I'm not even saying that it was COVID because who knows? He was in the hospital for almost a week that time.  Then he was discharged home, and about 2 days later, was right back in the hospital again for the same damn thing: he couldn't catch his breath, and he had a fever and felt like crap.  And this time, he also had new onset a-fib.  

Now I feel like I'm charting.  On my day off.  UGH!

Long story short, the second round wasn't quite as bad, although he was diagnosed with pneumonia that time.  He wasn't on the BiPAP but was on supplemental O2 and IV antibiotics.  Thankfully he did improve and stayed out of the hospital the rest of the year.  So yes, that all sucked.  The outcome definitely did not suck, and for that I am very, very grateful.  I'm also thankful, as I said before, that he was hospitalized at the hospital next to where I work instead of the VA, for so many reasons! Mainly selfish ones, because I could stop in and see him before work, and on my lunch break, and after work.

I was so afraid of this.  All of this writing and I'm just finishing February.  Maybe it's a good thing that most of the rest of the year is a blur.  It's time for a non-sucking tale of 2020, anyway.  Although the story of my dad being in the hospital is ultimately a non-sucking story, right?  Since he's still alive and kicking.  Thanks be to God!!

Another huge non-sucking tale of 2020 is that I now get to work from home much of the time.  Once upon a time, I used to dream of finding a nurse job with "normal" hours (meaning Monday through Friday with no evenings, no overnights, no weekends, no holidays).  Most of the time I dreamt of that when I was trying to stay awake on the NOC shift, especially on holiday weekends, ha ha ha.  Don't get me wrong, I love my current job for so many other reasons, that is way down at the bottom of the list.  Let me put it this way: I'm an introvert with social anxiety. Being able to work from home is like...it's like finding a new treatment option.  It's like winning the lottery.  Sometimes it feels a bit on the enabling side, but mostly it feels incredibly accommodating and empowering.  I am even at the point now where I look forward to going back to the office to work as well, and can make the most of both situations.  So for me, personally, I've learned a lot of new skills in 2020 that I didn't know I'd need in order to do my job.  I think a lot of us did.  But this is my blog, so you can read about everyone else in other outlets, tyvm.

I'm going to stop here and publish what I've got so far.  I'm only about halfway through the year and not even close to the Suckiest Part of 2020 yet, but it's taken me two days to get this much out so far and I want to go do something else now. Reliving the extremes of 2020 for blogging's sake is a little taxing and I'm going to go unwind with some scrappy crocheting.  Right now I'm into scrappy hats.  I don't know yet if I'm going to try to sell them, donate them, abandon them (a la Art Abandonment), or shove them in a bag with the rest of the mittens, hats, and scarves that I intend to do something meaningful with someday and forget about them for another year or until they get in the way again.

See you next time. Which hopefully isn't in another 3 months.