Hold your applause. I've been stuck at T-minus 16 to 18 pounds to "Healthy Weight" for a while. I have no reason to believe that tomorrow, regardless of what I do or don't do today, it won't go back up to T-minus 19. It is just so...grrrrr! There's a lesson here, I'm sure. I'm obviously missing something, some key piece of something that I need to be doing to lose that last 20 pounds.
I'm NOT looking for advice on what that might be.
Despite the frustration I'm expressing right now, I'm really not looking too hard into what I might be missing. I have my suspicions. I'm not actively doing much about them right now because, honestly, I'm just not miserable with where I'm at right now. I feel good, I'm healthy (despite what the BMI chart says), I've already come a long way, and I have faith that I'll get there eventually. I'm headed in the right direction, that's the important part.
But sometimes I just want to be at that destination because I'm just tired of being almost there. I know it took being miserable to really motivate me to change in the first place, but I know I don't have to wait for such extremes to actually finish this marathon.
Welcome! To random ramblings of me. Where I really, really, really want to complain about certain things and certain situations, but I shan't, so I'm trying to just ramble about the smaller things that are on my mind instead. Because most of the things I actually want to complain about involve other people and I'm making a huge effort not to get wrapped up in gossiping. Anymore. Or would it be spelled "gossipping"? I don't know, they both look weird, but only one has little red lines under it, so I guess "gossiping" it is.
Besides, 99% of gossip involves speculation, and I'm becoming a huge (what's the opposite of proponent? To Google I go...oh, duh:) opponent of speculation, especially when it comes to other people's motives. It just bothers me so much when people try to speak for other people, which isn't exactly the right way for me to say what I'm trying to say.
I'm not saying that I don't want people to advocate for other people -- that is a whole 'nother thing. If someone needs someone to speak for them, and wants someone to speak for them, I am all for that.
I'm speaking more about assumptive or perhaps it's presumptive speculation. Such as, "That person doesn't care about me because they never call me." Or, perhaps that person doesn't like using the telephone and is an introvert and doesn't like small talk and works the night shift so is sleeping when you're awake, and it has nothing at all to do with their feelings toward you. Or the assumption that just because you feel a certain way about a situation, that everyone must feel that way, too.
It has always upset me muchly when other people try to tell me how I feel. I remember getting into fights with my mom when I was a teenager when she would falsely accuse me of something I didn't do, and I would try to point out how she was wrong and she would just stand there smugly and say "Methinks thou dost protest too much" (yes, she actually used that line) and I would just want to pull my hair out. I'd be like, No, you're just not effing listening to what I'm saying because I'm explaining why what you're saying doesn't make any effing sense!! Isn't that called "gaslighting" or something like that now? I don't know if there was a term for it back then. I just called it frustrating as hell because my Mom wouldn't listen to me because she knew everything. That must've been a generational thing.
What?!?
*ahem*
I have just been trying very, very hard to no longer be a person who says things like, "I can't believe [person] [said or did] [thing I can't believe they said or did]! Who do they think they are?!" Because everyone has their reasons, and they usually are not malicious.
Let me say that again: EVERYONE HAS THEIR REASONS AND THEY ARE USUALLY NOT, I REPEAT, NOT MALICIOUS.
Just misunderstood. Or taken the wrong way (mis-taken).
As I do not wish for others to mistakenly speculate my actions, I do not want to mistakenly speculate the reasonings for the actions of others.
This doesn't just apply to personal interactions, either. For a while, I had fallen down the rabbit hole of videos on the socials where people were complaining about the health care system. OK, whatever; I know the system as a whole has some flaws, *cough*prior authorizations*cough*, but I'm talking about things like complaining because someone went to the ED and weren't given a complete physical work-up. Um, that is NOT what the ED is for. The purpose of the ED is to make sure you aren't actively dying or in need of immediate medical treatment. That's what an "EMERGENCY" is. The ED is not going to give you a complete physical work-up; they're going to look at what you are complaining about, make sure it's not going to kill you within the next 12 hours, and if it's not, they will tell you to follow-up with your primary care provider. Your PCP is the one who should do the complete physical work-up.
Or complaining that health care staff aren't asking the right questions. There are perfectly good reasons that we ask the questions we ask (and repeat, in a lot of cases; you'd be surprised how often stories change). If you don't know why, how about asking us instead of going home and making a TikTok video about how stupid we are?! You're not making US look stupid by doing that...
Alright, on that note, I have to get back to work now. Remember to be nice to people who are doing things for you that you can't do for yourself. We're all out here just trying to be good people and make a difference in the world, just like everyone else.
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