A moment where I want to slam doors and throw things around. I want to be loud and obnoxious. I want to grab a sledgehammer and start demolishing the nearest wall. I want to stomp my feet defiantly and stick my tongue out at the world. I want everyone within the sound of my voice (or, errrr, within sight of this blog?) to know that I Am Here...and I. Am. IMPATIENT!!!
We got the quarterly "Review" email from our case worker this week. I haven't responded yet, because I know I'm going to ask (as I always do) whether anyone has looked at our portfolio, and I'm just not in the mood right now to hear that no one has looked at it lately. I could respond that there is absolutely positively nothing new with us and just skip the part where I ask if any has looked at "us"...yeah, no I couldn't. I have to ask. So I will. Soon.
I'm also thinking that, perhaps joining a couple of adoption support groups on FB wasn't such a good idea; it is getting frustrating (and I hate to say that, but it is what it is) hearing about people who got matched in, like, thirty milliseconds after completing their homestudies. Believe me when I say that I am really, really, really, really, really trying not to let things like this upset me...and most of the time, they don't. But something snapped inside of me last night and now, I just really, really, really, really, really need to vent.
See? I feel better already.
Sort of.
I've just never been a patient sort of person. When I make up my mind that something needs to happen, I need it to happen NOW. I was in labor with DS for all of two hours, and it still felt like forever to me. As a kid, I used to get positively sick on Christmas Eve and the night before my birthday, because I could not tolerate sitting by and doing nothing (or even worse, trying to sleep!) on the cusp of such important, meaningful events. If I had only known then that waiting to be chosen by an expectant mom would be just like 2am on Christmas morning (when it's way too early to get up but probably too late to fall back asleep), day after day after month after year...
I don't know what "then" I was going for with that "if". It just sounded good in my head.
Anyway...I know this is all happening according to God's plan, and in His time and according to His will, and not ours. I know that one day this will all make sense, and that His timing is perfect, and of course all the old cliche's like good things come to those who wait and patience is a virtue and all that. But I'm only human. I'm impatient, I want to know when things are going to happen and how they're going to happen and when they're going to happen so I can make the appropriate plans and provisions and get everything ready so things will just fall into place when they actually do happen. I feel like a nervous racehorse crammed into the starting gate...I'm just waiting for that bell to ring and those doors to fly open so I can take off and make things happen. But the bell isn't in my control, and this endless period of waiting and waiting and waiting can really mess with your mind sometimes!
And, if you know me, I don't have much of my mind left to be messed with...I need to preserve as much of it as I possibly can! Ha, ha, ha.
Alright. Time to get out of the house and do something. DH is working today, so I think I will take the boy to get his hair cut (since it's almost longer than mine, again, and he just looooves hearing about how much he looks like his Mom when he has long hair!) and then I think we'll head into the Cities for a horse show. Because that makes sense. :D
Please pray for us...especially for patience, strength, and guidance. Pray for the other waiting families, as well; especially those who have had failed matches. Pray for the expectant parents who aren't sure what to do, and pray that whatever decisions they make are the best for their unborn babies, because that's really what it's all about. I guess I could be glad that we haven't been matched yet, because that means there are fewer expectant parents out there who feel like the best thing they could do for their child is to have them raised by another family...but...yeah. I'll leave it at that.
Until next time...
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