And so this is Christmas, and what have you done?

 Another year almost over, a new one almost begun.  

As one is wont to do at this time of year, I've been thinking back on the past 12 months and trying to decide whether it was an overall good year or not.  And then one of my friends posted the sentiment that is the focal point for today's post, and it struck me as one of those things I must share for relevancy's sake.

And here we are.

One day soon, but not today, I'll go through and perhaps list the major occurrences of every month of 2025, mostly to prove to myself that there were good things that happened this year.  It wasn't an altogether horrible year.  Not by a long shot.

I've just had a hard time these past few weeks or so.  

I remember, shortly after my Dad died, one of the things "people" told me was that the second round of holidays was going to be harder than the first.  I remembered those words, obviously, but took the advice with a grain of salt at the time, because that's just what you do when you're on Grief Auto-Pilot.  When all of the well-meaning people you know try to tell you how it's going to be, and you know they mean well but you don't really want to hear what it was like for anyone else because no one else could possibly know what it's like for you.  

And they don't.  But they do.  

But that won't change things. You still won't want to hear what other people have to say. But those of us who have been through it will still want to say it, because we want to help other people who are going to go through what we have already been through or are still going through.  Because this grief thing is horrible and if we can do anything, anything, to make it even the least bit easier for someone else, we will.  

But we can't.  

I think of that when I talk to people now who have lost loved ones, especially other adults who have lost a parent.  I hear myself saying the things that others said to me that I internally cringed upon hearing and sometimes I hate myself for saying those things to other people, knowing that they are internally cringing at my words, too.  Mostly I try to choose my words very, very carefully, keeping all of this in mind.  Trying to put myself back in their shoes, and doing or saying what I needed most at that time. 

But that just sucks because then, you know, I'm back at that place again.  Ground Zero.  August 2nd, 2024, at 7:30pm.  The place in time I have wanted to distance myself from for 515 days and counting.  

Anyway...yeah. My point being that the second holiday season without my Dad has been very difficult. I don't know if it was more difficult than the first one was, but it was definitely more difficult than I thought it would be.  I'm not sure why. Maybe because of all the emphasis on families getting together, and memories of Christmases past, and even farther back memories of Christmases as a kid, and all that stuff.  Or maybe because life, in general, has kinda settled into it's new normal now and then the holidays come up and nothing is normal anymore and the days are cold and dark and I've got this darn cold I can't get rid of and I didn't even feel like putting Christmas decorations up this year and it's kinda hit me out of the blue and I can't even drive the Lincoln right now because there's snow and ice and salt on the roads and I just miss my Dad and I'm not getting along very well with my Mom lately either and it's not that we're arguing because I'm not going to do that, I'm just going to keep quiet and not argue with her because that's the right thing to do.  

Urgh.

I miss my Dad.  I don't like that this year, 2025, is the first year in which he wasn't here at all.  I remember feeling like this in September 2024 -- the first month in which he wouldn't be on earth at all.  It's like that, but on a bigger scale.

I think about him every day, but most of the time now, it doesn't make me so sad that I have to stop what I'm doing and cry.  I mean, I am right now, of course, but usually it's not sad things.  I feel like I've come a long way in that respect.  It makes me happy and makes me feel loved, remembering him.  So many of the good parts of me, are from him.  I was always a Daddy's girl, and I will always and forever be a Daddy's girl...and nothing will change that, not even death. 

Alright, on that note, I gotta get back to work.  Good thing I'm not on camera today, since my eyes are all puffy now. Actually, come to think of it, I don't look or sound much different than I did before, and crying actually helped clear my sinuses out a bit, so, yay! It made my headache worse, but I'll take the wins where I can get 'em right now.

Toodles!