It's beginning to look a lot like f*ck this!

I shouldn't complain, because we really don't have much snow...like maybe two inches? But we're currently under a "snow squall warning" which is definitely not something I recall hearing very often.  All I know is that it's super windy out, and I'm thankful that today has been a WFH day! 

I guess I stopped updating weekly almost 8 weeks ago now.  I kind of needed the break. Not that I don't still know how many weeks it's been since my Dad died, but I needed a break from making myself even sadder by pointing it out so publicly every week.  I don't think I even posted the links to the last post on my FB because...I mean, it's hard to explain. Because the support and hugs and prayers and kind words and thoughts are all definitely very much appreciated, for sure. But sometimes, after 9 or 10 weeks of it all, you just kinda get numb to it, you know? You've long since given up on finding the "proper" response because there really isn't one.  Just like there really isn't a "proper" thing to say to someone who has lost a loved one.  There are the socially-accepted things to say and ways to react to what has been said, but none of it ever feels "right" or "proper", at least it never has to me.  Telling someone that you're sorry is weird because hey, it's not my fault they died.  It's not your fault, either.  Unless it was.  In which case, sorry definitely wouldn't cut it, I'm sure, but that's a whole 'nother scenario. 

"How are you doing?" is still a question I'd like to avoid.  I like to answer that Yes, I'm doing.  I already knew that life wouldn't stop just because one of my favorite people in the world stopped living, so I have to stay on this ride called Life, and I intend to keep doing so to the best of my ability for as long as God sees fit to keep me here.  My good days mostly outnumber my bad days these days, I think.  I stopped keeping track.  I've now survived not just my first birthday without my Dad but also the first holiday (Thanksgiving) without him, and look at that, the world didn't implode.  Although, I did ask my PCP (primary care provider) if I could increase my antidepressant medication dose.  Hey, in all fairness, she's the one who offered it once she found out what's happened in my life since I last saw her about a year ago.  I mulled on it for a few weeks, and then took it upon myself to try increasing my dose to see if it made a difference (I didn't think it would, but gosh-darn if I didn't start feeling better after a week or so!) and since it did, I asked her to make it official.  

So, yeah. Thanksgiving. It actually turned out better than I thought it would! The actual day of Thanksgiving was pretty low-key.  It was my hubby and I, and then I went to St. Paul and brought my Mom here to spend the day with us. She kept waffling on whether she wanted to come out here or not.  As one might expect a new widow to do.  Wow, that's weird.  I'm not used to calling my mom a widow yet.  Anyway, we just hung out and watched TV and my hubby did some pork loins on the grill and later on, the boy came over. Then, on Saturday, my mom came over again and so did the boy, and so did my two nephews and their significant others, and later on our son's roommate joined us. 

But I gotta go now. I'll write more later. Maybe.