All other ground is sinking sand...

From Merriam-Webster:

Definition of HOPE:

intransitive verb

1

: to cherish a desire with anticipation <hopes for a promotion>

2

archaic : trust

transitive verb

1

: to desire with expectation of obtainment

2

: to expect with confidence : trust

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In case you couldn't tell (and looking back on it, I'm not so sure you could), I was pretty depressed when I wrote my last entry.  Sometimes it just seems like things have a way of piling up and crashing down on you at the worst possible moment, ya know?  I'd say it was the culmination of a number of things -- waiting to move forward in this process, a winter that seemed like it would never end, losing one of my best dogs ever, and other personal matters which I will probably not mention here -- that made me feel like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I knew I needed to do something, and quickly; staying in bed all day on my days off wasn't getting me anywhere, that's for sure!

I did something I realized I hadn't done in a few weeks or more: I stopped and prayed.  Now, I didn't grow up in a church-going household; I never learned Bible stories when I was little, I was never taught "how" to pray.  It was just something I started doing on my own, having little "discussions" with God inside my own head.  I didn't ever wonder if it was "right" or not, because I figured that it must be right, since it came to me so naturally.  Anywho, it occurred to me last weekend that I hadn't done that in a long time . . . too long.  So I got back in touch with God, and suddenly, the storms raging inside my poor little head began to clear.  I felt like smacking myself upside the head and going, "DUHHHHH!!!"  I am feeling better.  I am feeling more hopeful, more optimistic, less like staying in bed and hiding from the world all day.  It's a wonderful feeling!!

Well, last week I received word from one of the other couples we went through adoption classes with, that they have been chosen by a birthmom and are awaiting the arrival of a baby boy at the end of this month!  I have to admit, when I first heard that, I was jealous.  Very, very jealous.  "Why them and not us?" and so on.  Thankfully, that didn't last long, and a short time later I was filled with nothing but honest-to-goodness happiness for them.  In fact, I'm almost ashamed to admit that I was so jealous at first, but I'm only human, so I'm putting it out there as it stands.  Besides, it fills me with hope, this knowledge that "someone from our group" is moving forward!  Not that it's any indication of when our turn will come up, of course; we're not on a numbered sort of waiting list, but are all on common ground with no one having a better chance of being "next" than anyone else.  I really am so very happy for this new family, and am praying that things work out for the best.  And I continue to pray for those of us who are still waiting, and especially for our birthmothers . . . just imagine, there are women out there who have no idea yet that we are waiting patiently to meet them.  It boggles the mind.

Anyway, the sun is shining and we're supposed to have summer tomorrow (seriously, it was 38ºF when I woke up this morning, and is supposed to be close to 90ºF tomorrow then back to the 70's) so I should get off the couch and get some housework done, so I can spend some quality time soaking up some vitamin D and getting some much-needed yardwork done tomorrow.

Thanks for reading!