Drama at the bird feeder

 
Sometimes I wish there was a law that after a person loses a loved one, they could get, like, a stack of passes to use when they needed them for the next year or two for those days when they just don't want to do a certain thing.  You know, like family gatherings or social events or getting out of bed some random morning, things like that.  Things that become less socially acceptable to do the more time that passes.  

On the other hand, I know that it's not good to avoid things that are difficult.  That they usually only get worse the longer you put them off, yadda yadda yadda. 

But, honestly, what would be the harm if I just skipped Father's Day this year?  My son is old enough that he doesn't need me to do anything on his behalf for his father anymore, so honestly, there isn't anything I need to do, anyway.  

I was having a perfectly good and happy first few weeks of summer (or summer-like times since it's not officially summer yet) until I realized that Father's Day is coming up very quickly and that it will be my first Father's Day without a father.  Which is weird to say, because I do have a father, but he's not here anymore.  

I thought Father's Day was hard last year, because he was in that stupid nursing home and had no idea that it was a day different than any other day.  That just made me sad.  HA!  I didn't know what "sad" was at that point.  

Do not tell me that there are things I can do to honor my Dad on Father's Day. I am fully aware of that.  I don't need any ideas for things to do.  I don't want to sit around and be sad all day, but seeing the words "father" and "Dad" and all that crap everywhere I go now is like being reminded over and over and over again that this is another dreaded first, and the the worst and last dreaded first is right around the corner.  I really do want to just run away and hide and avoid the world when that day comes around.  

I think it's on a Saturday this year.  I might need to take that Friday off.  

And in case you're wondering about today's picture, that's what you get when you search Google images on the word "dread".  

And in case you're wondering about today's title, that's what's stuck in my head all morning after watching (in my peripheral vision since I'm also WFH today) the woodpeckers and the red-winged blackbirds battle royale over the empty birdfeeder outside my office window.  I will go refill it when it stops raining.  There are other birdfeeders out there not even 10 feet away that they can go to, anyway.  Not sure why they all gotta fight over the empty one today.  I can't do it right now because I'm a victim of feline paralysis -- there's a sleeping cat on my lap. 

First world car girl problems: I'm going up to church tonight to play on the computer in the AV booth for a little bit (long story, I'll get to that in a second) and I don't know if I should take the Equinox, the Lincoln, or the Maverick.  I want to take the Lincoln, but if it's going to rain I shouldn't because the windshield wipers are on the fritz.  So I could take the Maverick instead, I suppose.  Or the Nox.  

So, yeah.  I'm learning how to put together the "slide show" presentations that play during church services.  The awesome part is I can do this remotely from home.  The down side to that is, I want to see what it looks like on the big screen, which I can only do from church.  And I don't want to wait until Sunday morning during the service to see it and be like, Wow, that was a really unfortunate choice of font shape/size/color I went with there.  Maybe no one else would care but I WOULD!!  Or if anyone else did care, they'd probably blame the worship director and not me, which would be even worse!

Alright, I need to go eat something before lunch break is over.  TTYL!

What a difference two weeks makes, or something like that.

I can't believe I haven't written in here for two weeks.  Actually, I can, because I've been busy.  

We've put something like 300+ miles on the Lincoln so far.  Crazy, right?!  And we haven't even driven that far. Maybe the odometer's broken.  (Kidding!)  (Mostly!!)

Last weekend, we took it to it's very first car show every.  Actually, considering today is Monday, I guess it would've been the weekend before last.  The ad said the gates opened at 8am, and the first 100 entries got dash plaques, and we got there at like 8:15am and were #'s 142 and 143 or something like that.  So I was a little bummed because I was all about the dash plaques -- something to commemorate the Lincoln's first show!  I have a small collection of dash plaques for the Maverick (although not for that particular show...) but really wanted one for the Lincoln.

Mind you, I don't actually put them on the dash(es).  The Maverick's are in the glove box.  But they're fun to have, to prove that she's been in shows and stuff.  Oh well, lesson learned: next year we get there at 7am.

So we parked our cars and, in case you didn't see the pics on FB, here's a pic of me and my cars at their first show together:

We had fun! It was a big show (for a little small town festival), probably 200 cars.  We didn't win anything, but that's OK, it's all about hanging out and having fun. Which we did. We ran into more people we knew than we thought we would!  Our son even showed up for a while, which was awesome.  It's always fun to watch people looking at your cars.  The one thing I love is that so many people have Maverick stories.  So many people either had a Maverick, or someone in their family had a Maverick, or they know someone who had a Maverick.  She gets a lot of "Hey, I remember those!" comments.  Good times!

The next day, we drove the Lincoln back to St. Paul and took my Mom for a drive and out to eat.  Maybe she was just being stoic or whatever, but I thought she would've been a little more excited about riding in the car again.  Then again, I'm way more sentimental (and mental) about cars than she is, so maybe I was just projecting my own excitement and thinking everyone should be as happy as me about the Lincoln being on the road again.  It was fine...I guess.  The air conditioning doesn't work, which I think annoyed her, but whatever.  I did my due diligence.  

The next week at work was crazy. Just busy.  One of those weeks where I was in clinic all week so I was behind on everything else.  I know that eventually the tides turn and I catch up on everything else when I'm not in clinic, but I also want to be the person who is always caught up (which in 9 years and counting, has rarely happened) so it was bothering me.  Which is really nothing new for me, at work.  We were planning on going to another car show on Friday evening, but it was threatening to rain, and I was wanting to get them both waxed before then but it didn't look like that was going to happen, and by the time Friday afternoon came around I was like, eff it, I don't even want to go to the car show...but I didn't want to tell my hubby that.  Because I really did want to go, but I didn't feel ready.  And it was on  a Friday.  I don't like Fridays.  

But we went.  And it was still kinda crazy there.  Not as many cars as the first one, but it seemed like a LOT more people!  Which was alright. We had a great time! Hanging out, eating food truck food, walking around and looking at cars, catching up with people we haven't seen for a while, and again the boy came out to hang out with us for a while after work.  

I even got to cuddle a Boxer for a few seconds!  There was a guy walking by with one, and some kids that were playing nearby wanted to pet it, so I just kind of snuck in there and pushed the kids out of the way (just kidding, I didn't, but I wanted to) and pet her, too.  She was brindle. Her name was Leia. She gave me Boxer kisses and I could've left the show then and my evening would have been complete. Can't forget the hearts...💖💖💖

If you're friends with me on FB, you already know this.  Some time later, when awards were announced, they started at like 20th place and went backward.  I didn't expect to win anything (but still hoped), because at the previous show we were reminded that it's really just a popularity contest, and even though we lived in that town for like almost 20 years, we don't really know anyone there.  We weren't in the car show scene there, and even if we were, we didn't have any of the high-powered muscle cars or jacked-up trucks that took the trophies at the first show we went to.  But you never know, right?  So I was pleasantly surprised when we were called up to take about 5th-6th place with the Maverick!  Yee-haw, take THAT, boys!  (Yeah, I was the only woman up there with the other winners.  Technically both cars were listed with both the hubby and I as owners, but he made me go up to get the trophy.)  

I say it got 5th or 6th'ish because I really wasn't counting, and they weren't giving place standings at that point, just going down the list.  But I'll find out in a few days, probably, because they were taking pics of each of us so it'll probably be in the local paper.  I'll find out for sure.

So then, imagine my surprise when a few minutes later, my name was called (I mean butchered) again for the second place trophy with the Lincoln!  I actually did not believe it and just kind of stood there looking at the hubby and the boy like, What did they just say?!?  Both of my cars got trophies? And the Lincoln took second place?!?  Gosh, imagine if I had actually waxed it like I wanted to! ha ha ha.  

So not only was I the only woman up there, I was the only one with TWO trophies.  My first thought was, oh my gosh! We beat Camaros and Chevelles!  😂 And my next thought was, TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!

And driving home, I was thinking...we got that trophy at about 7:30pm, which is about the time my Dad breathed his last on a Friday much like that one, 44 weeks earlier.  I hadn't thought about it being Friday until then.  There I was, driving home in my little Maverick behind the big behemoth Lincoln that was my Dad's favorite car most of my life, the one that he has been wanting me to take for years and years and years, and now that I finally have it, it has a nice trophy from it's second show, and it's not even cleaned up and shined up and looking as nice as it possibly could.  I don't like to say things like "I know he was there" because I don't know that for sure, because I don't know what happens after we die; as much as I'd like to think he was watching from heaven, I don't know if that's what I believe actually happens in heaven.  But all that aside, I'm going to say that I feel like he would've been proud, too.  He would be happy to know that other people liked the Lincoln and that we're not just letting it sit around and grow more rust.  

Speaking of that, one of my friends asked me this weekend if keeping track of how many weeks it has been since my Dad died has helped.  It occurred to me later that I wasn't intentionally keeping track of how many weeks it had been; in fact, for a while I couldn't help it.  A lot of times I wish I didn't, because it makes me think about it more. But, my brain works the way it works, and I can't change that.

Anyway...I gotta get back to work now.  Long story short version: Car show season is off to a great start!! TTYL