In amongst the crazy busy-ness of the recent holiday season, our case worker emailed me for our 90-day review -- basically just to check in and find out if there have been any changes in our lives in the last 90 days. It took me a few days to email her back because I was working up the courage to ask her . . . oh, by the way, do you know if anyone has looked at our portfolio yet? I tried to be all sly and worked it in at the end of my response email (which was pretty short, anyway . . . no major life changes here recently . . . )
It took her a few days to respond to my response, although I'm sure it was for completely different reasons. In that email, she told me that our portfolio had indeed been looked at, about six weeks prior -- but nothing since. (And nothing of our concern obviously came from that viewing!) I felt exactly the way I'd imagined I'd feel if I found out someone had looked at our portfolio but not chosen to meet with us: totally conflicted! On one hand, I was thrilled to imagine that a potential birthmom had actually, on some level, considered us for however short of a time it ended up to be. I was thrilled that someone had read our cover letter and been like, Yes!, I want to learn more about this family! But I barely had time to start processing the happy feelings when the But, we didn't get picked thoughts started taking over.
And that's pretty how much how it's been in the last few weeks since I found this out -- when I think about it, I'm both encouraged and disappointed. Hopeful, yet I have this underlying feeling of, "Was it something I said?" It does my heart a world of good to know that someone actually looked at our portfolio, at those pages I poured my heart and soul into, and looked at so many times afterward imagining just that moment that I can still sometimes feel the exact weight of each page on my fingertips... but, I guess it's just not our time yet.
I wonder about the woman (I'm assuming) who looked at our portfolio. Who was she? Where does she live? What's her story? Who did she end up choosing? I'll never know, of course. All I know is that she wasn't Our Birthmother. If she was, I wouldn't be writing about how we're still waiting to hear from her. ;)
So . . . that's where we are now. Recovering from the busy holiday season and settling in to make it through another Midwest winter. We were so spoiled last year with barely any snow, which is probably why we got about 20" in our first snowfall of the season last month! Oh, well. It's not so bad once you get used to it. Not saying we haven't fantasized about moving south more than we care to admit recently, but, you know. The weather is a huge topic around here -- if we didn't have such extremes, most of us wouldn't have any conversation starters. Heh.
In somewhat-related news, my baby boy turns 15 years old in one week!! I can't believe it. He's been growing by leaps and bounds lately. He's been taller than me for quite some time, but now he's closing in on DH as well. I am continually amazed at how quickly this child has grown . . . not that he's grown yet, he's just so dang tall and, you know, will be legally old enough to operate a motor vehicle on public roads shortly (after receiving the appropriate instruction, of course!). My baby boy, old enough to drive . . . wow. Does NOT seem possible. Considering that just today I was mistaken for my husband's daughter instead of his wife, I definitely do NOT feel old enough to have a driving teenager. :P
And on that note, I shall sign off for now. Tonight I pray for those lucky families who have been "chosen" recently, and for those of us who are still waiting!
